Treasures Of The Deep:

The Merits Of Self Love

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen

Nothing in this life will ever be perfect. Reality is an inherently incalculable, chaotic entanglement governed only by the laws of physics. One should not strive for perfection of their being, as this is impossible. Instead, focus on the endless pursuit of self actualization. Like happiness, this is not a destination you finally arrive at, but rather an immeasurable journey, unwaveringly pursued for your own improvement and satisfaction. We all have defects, the key is in realizing which of these flaws should be embraced and which should be mended. Sometimes a “flaw” is in fact an asset, something that makes you unique, something you should seek to feel empowered by. Learn to accept the realities of who you are, so that you may endeavor to be the best version of yourself you can be.

“It is so important to take time for yourself and find clarity. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.” – Diane Von Furstenberg

Simply surviving in a chaotic world such as this can be extremely overwhelming. The responsibilities and demands of daily life all too often imprison us, severing our connection to our own souls, to our own values, desires and ambitions. It’s so easy to lose yourself amidst the chaos, to be misdirected, to be manipulated by the influence of those around you. Whenever afforded the opportunity, It’s important to take a step back, breath, quiet your mind and listen to your heart. Your thoughts, your feelings, matter. Get reacquainted with yourself, because there is so much about you to love. You have so much value, so much strength to harness, never allow anything or anyone to contradict this.

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” – Jean Shinoda Bolen

Your wants and desires, your thoughts and feelings, your perspective on life is valid. The concept of worth, like all value judgments, is inherently subjective. Therefore, everything you value is objectively as valuable as anything can intrinsically be, so long as you know this to be the case. Regardless of the desires of other people in your life, do yourself the personal kindness of embracing those things which bring you yourself joy. Being generous, or at times entirely selfless, is admirable and enhances the world for everyone. As such, you should always consider the thoughts and feelings of other’s as you go through life. However, you yourself have one life to live. Don’t squander it, don’t sacrifice yourself to live entirely at the behest of anyone else. Living this way isn’t just inconsiderate to yourself, it’s inconsiderate to others as well.

“Don’t sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much there’s nothing else you can give, and nobody will care for you.” – Karl Lagerfeld

If you give everything away, then nothing remains to be given. Being abundantly selfless may appear altruistic, but it ultimately exhausts your ability to create any more positivity in the world. It leaves you drained and empty, a dissatisfied and embittered shell no longer able to raise the spirits of others or to care for yourself. Even before it begins to destroy you, many will see your unrestrained generosity as a weakness, as a character flaw rather than an asset. This is because people generally learn how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. When you denigrate yourself with constant sacrifice, you signal that the only value you have is to be used by others and as a result you will be treated in kind. You will have shown that you don’t value your own needs, so why should anyone else? To be clear, giving to others is both affirming and essential to everyone including yourself, but giving too much will only bring increased misery.

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

Above all else, you must learn to love yourself fully before you can ever reach your true potential in life. Knowing yourself and cherishing every facet of your being is the underpinning of a life that allows for endless creativity, positivity and the most abundant of altruisms. You have immense value, a vast amount of strength and limitless potential inside of you. There is so much for you and everyone around you to love. Reject those who seek to deny you and never lose sight of your merit.