Snowy Pinnacles:

The Subtleties Of Endearment

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

Loving someone is one of the most intensely powerful feelings you will ever experience. When you’re in love, everything else in your reality softens. Your perspective shifts and you begin to focus on the wants, desires and overall well-being of the person you care for, placing their needs and views on par with your own or sometimes even above. This can be a transformational experience. It may even become difficult to focus on anything else in your life, as the excitement of feeling something so powerful, raw and real can be overwhelming. You should take care not to get so lost in your feelings that you become overly vulnerable, but at the same time you should be aware of, and grateful for, this outstanding experience you’re getting to embrace and enjoy. Never take love for granted; Its significance is vast yet its permanence is always uncertain.

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” – Paulo Coelho

When you love someone, the desire to be the best version of yourself that you can be increases exponentially. This other person, whom you value immensely, values you. Since you hold their views in high esteem, this external validation serves to increase your own awareness of your intrinsic worth. As a result, you won’t just end up performatively or superficially bettering yourself ‘for’ the person you love, you’ll end up genuinely improving yourself ‘because’ of the person you love. In this way, the external viewpoint of another can serve to greatly reinforce or bolster your own perspective about yourself, which in turn raises your well-being and tends to increase the positivity you impart to all interactions in your life.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Whereas reciprocated love empowers your own sense of self worth or value, the act of loving on the other hand, makes you immensely vulnerable. You must have courage to open yourself up to another person, for the act of loving itself always leaves you exposed, regardless of the resiliency you possess. In this way, a loving relationship is a perfect circle of sorts, a balance of giving and receiving that attains a kind of equilibrium and stability when functioning properly. The prerequisite, as always, is to be whole unto yourself, but with a healthy level of self-esteem as your foundation, a romantic relationship can serve to enhance the quality of your life in dramatic and often profound ways.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein

Loving someone is perhaps the most selfless of acts, as it facilitates a situation in which you willingly put the wellbeing of another person in line with or even above your own. Anytime you put the welfare of another entity above your own, you incur a great deal of risk, as you ultimately increase the likelihood that your own needs go unmet. In a healthy relationship, your significant other cares for your needs just as you care for theirs, thus achieving a kind of balance. In a relationship that lacks proportion though, one party will likely end up drained and diminished as a result of giving away far more than they’ve received.

Take care to have healthy boundaries in all the relationships you seek. Giving some of yourself away to another person can be terrifying and risky, but it can also be supremely rewarding and lend itself to a great deal of personal growth. As such, a loving relationship should not be avoided, but instead engaged in deliberately and carefully. It should be savored and explored, but certainly approached guardedly at times.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

As love is not rational, it is easy to let it run wild and control you. It can be misplaced and directed towards someone undeserving, but it can also be used as a distraction from the incompatibilities or issues present in a romantic relationship. Always remember, loving someone is but one component of what is required to create a balanced and amicable romantic partnership. Communication, honesty, friendship, compatibility, etc… There are countless prerequisites to forming the structure of a functional and lasting relationship beyond merely possessing feelings of love. Many overlook this, believing that so long as they care deeply enough about someone, all the other issues surrounding their relationship will resolve on their own. This is a falsehood and it is likely the reason why so many partnerships fail regardless of the romantic inclinations of the people involved. Remember, feelings of love may at times arise spontaneously, seemingly possessing a will of their own. Relationships however, should likely be much more deliberate if your goal is for them to succeed.